


The Perils of Dating

by Quillaninc



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-25
Updated: 2010-07-25
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillaninc/pseuds/Quillaninc





	1. Chapter 1

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Current music:**

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She Has To Be Loved - Jenny Morris  
  
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**Entry tags:**

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[[fic]](http://quillaninc.livejournal.com/tag/%5Bfic%5D), [fma](http://quillaninc.livejournal.com/tag/fma), [fma:perils](http://quillaninc.livejournal.com/tag/fma:perils)  
  
  
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**[fic] FMA The Perils of Dating pt 1**   
_

Finally posting part 1 of [](http://users.livejournal.com/zakai_/profile)[**zakai_**](http://users.livejournal.com/zakai_/)'s much belated birthday fic (coz she's kind and gives me squeeshies and stuff when I'm feeling blue =^^= ). Hope you enjoy!

  
_Title:_ The Perils of Dating – part 1/?

_Author:_ Quill

_Fandom:_ Fullmetal Alchemist

_Pairing:_ eventual Roy/Ed

_Rating:_ PG

_Series deviation from somewhere post Ep 25. Movie-verse does not exist.  
_  
_Spoilers:_ some canon events have been altered slightly to make this 'verse possible. Otherwise, no specific spoilers.

_Disclaimer:_ I own only these little words here - and about half a dozen rapidly multiplying plot bunnies *sweatdrop*

_Dedication: belated birthday fic for [](http://users.livejournal.com/zakai_/profile)[**zakai_**](http://users.livejournal.com/zakai_/) . Enjoy!_

* * *

  
  
Ed was still up when he heard the key in the lock, which surprised the hell out of him; Roy had been looking forward to this night out all week. A quick glance at the clock surprised him even more, since it was barely 10:30.

"You're early," he called from his usual spot on the sofa, not even bothering to look up from his heavy text on alchemical references in mythology.

He received an irritated grunt as a reply, along with the sound of Mustang's coat being removed and hung in its usual spot. Roy appeared moments later and flopped gracelessly into the nearest easychair. Clearly, things had not gone well.

"Bad date?" Ed kept his tone light and casual, even turning the page for effect. Nothing shut Mustang down quicker than an argument, and Ed was down right curious now.

"You have no idea," Roy sighed, rubbing his eyes between forefinger and thumb. He slid a weary, sideways look in Ed's direction. "Recall how long it took me to get reservations at _Aphrodite's_?" Ed gave a brief nod. "As it turns out, she's allergic to seafood. Shockingly, however, this is not the sum total of ones errors."

His smile was cynical as he sat forward, and Ed rolled his eyes. If Mustang was going all formal, it _really_ hadn't gone well.

"Not only was the restaurant unsuitable, but it seems she doesn't have the slightest interest in musical theatre, nor finds the Botanical Gardens night display at all charming. And sin of sins, to top it all off, apparently my overcoat stinks from Havoc's blasted smokes. To which, it seems, she is also allergic."

Ed's eyebrows rose. "And you didn't know any of this before hand?" Closing the book, he set it aside deliberately and sat back with a small smirk, peering over the edges of the reading glasses that had slipped to the end of his nose, his arms folded somewhat smugly. "You're slipping, Mustang."

Roy snorted in disgust. "A theory which works only when ones information sources are a bit more expansive than 'Oh, anything's fine! Really!'" Ed couldn't help his snicker at Mustang's embarrassingly accurate 'airhead' impression, teasing a reluctant smile from Roy as well.

A little less tense now, Roy sat back, folding his arms to mirror Ed's and crossing one ankle over his knee. "I don't think I'd mind so much, if she actually said something. But the woman just sat there and _sighed_ about this, and _sighed_ about that. It was like pulling teeth just to get anything more than that out of her, like what was actually _wrong_. It's just all so infuriatingly passive aggressive."

"You know what your problem is?" Ed remarked, picking up his book again and shifting his glasses before opening it. "You keep dating the wrong type."

Feeling as though he should be at least mildly insulted, Roy raised one eyebrow querulously. "Pardon?"

Ed just levelled a pointed look at him over the edge of his frames. "When was the last time you went out with someone for any reason other than they made your crotch twitch? Hmm? Like, say, engaging conversation? Intelligence? Wit? Anything sounding remotely familiar here?"

"This, from a man who's never had a date, to my observation?"

Ed glared. "I date."

That defensiveness made Roy react like a dog rising to the scent, a glitter of interest sparkling in his eyes. "You do? Since when?"

Turning back to his book with a sniff, Ed returned loftily, "Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean I don't do it."

He shouldn't. He really knew he shouldn't, but this was Ed and he felt powerless to resist a little needling. "Is she pretty?"

"Shut up, Mustang."

"Oh, come now, surely she's not _that_ bad. Oh, I forgot! That's not what's important, is it?" Roy couldn't quite hold his mischievous grin. "So, which of her sparkling features makes your little alchemist heart go pitter-pat, I wonder?"

"I said, shut up. Make me say it again, and it'll be with my fist."

Baiting Edward had never really lost its appeal, sadly, and never more so than when Roy felt need to distract himself, so he ignored Ed's outburst and put on his best pondering expression.

"No, no, let me guess. She's … startlingly brilliant – to the point of giving you a headache. Devastatingly eloquent – so much so, not even your legendary mind can keep up. Can charm any man from the trees – so long as they don't mind the odd razor cut from her wit. And is possessed of all the grace and delicate beauty… hmm, let me see … how about, a bovine…"

"Fuck. You."

"… or perhaps not, knowing you and everything dairy. Perhaps an ape? No, no, not petite enough, she'd make you look like an elf…"

"_Must_ang! Will you shut it?!"

"Oh! I know!" Roy grinned wickedly. "A librarian!"

Ed's book snapped closed. "That's it. I'm going to bed."

Roy watched him almost-stomp up the stairs with a momentary sense of accomplishment. It didn't last. He had a vague notion he should feel more ashamed of his behaviour than he did, given he'd bent Edward's ear so much, venting some of that frustration instead of letting it intrude on his sleep.

His only excuse – well, the only excuse he allowed to himself, anyway - was that he was incredibly surprised to learn Ed wasn't nearly as socially stunted as Roy had always presumed, and Ed shaped surprises always tended to bring out the worst in him.

Initial amusement over, he was starting to feel guilty for needling Ed like that over such a sensitive subject. He always tended to lose himself in the challenge, and Ed made it easy to forget there were real emotions hidden beneath that prickly Elric exterior.

Now he really thought about it, though, he may have gotten just a touch … nasty.

Ah. Yes. Well. That … that was probably … quite uncalled for, really, regardless how much he might have enjoyed the mental challenge. Ironically, that also implied that Ed could have a point about his dating choice _du jour_.

Right. In the interests of fairness (and a peaceful existence), he'd apologise in the morning. Well, he'd do something nice for Edward, at least – around here that was as good as an apology.

He glanced at the mantle clock ticking softly in the background. Hmm, time, perhaps, for a quick nightcap before heading upstairs as well. Ed had been right, after all; it was still early for a Friday.

_[TBC]_

__Crossposting to various fma comms sometime tomorrow ^^

* * *

  
"Do you realise that Al's contract is up in two months?" Roy remarked the next day over his breakfast newspaper.

Ed had his toast between his teeth as he looked up, startled. "Already?" he mumbled through the bite.

"Mm hmm." Roy might look smug, but his eyes were smiling. It left him wondering if he was overcompensating for last night.

Ed stared at him. "Fuck," he said softly, then bit into his toast. "How the hell did that happen?"

Roy chuckled. "That a year managed to slip right by you, or that you and I could reside under the same roof for that long without killing each other?"

"Both," Ed snorted, and Roy's chuckle deepened.

Their usual companionable silence of the breakfast table settled in amongst their routine, completely disregarding the presence of the low hum of tension that persisted in hanging around. The soft whistle of the kettle had Roy getting up to make coffee for them both, and Ed blinked with surprise when the oven door thumped softly closed and a warm stack of toasty waffles was slid onto the table along with his mug.

Looking up uncertainly as Roy returned with his own coffee and a small jug of syrup, Ed caught the briefest conciliatory smile. Embarrassment made him duck his head automatically, ears burning and a bashful, almost-smile hidden by that damnable fall of hair he never could do anything decent with. He covered as best he could by enthusiastically piling waffles onto his empty plate.

Ah. Apology accepted, then. Roy's lips tilted fractionally in a small, private smile.

He watched, as he'd conditioned himself to do, because Edward always gave away more in his body language than he ever would in words. And a small frown beginning to furrow Ed's brows as the younger man savoured the rare treat in front of him proved Roy right yet again. Roy left him to work through whatever was ruminating in that fertile mind of his, knowing full well that if he kept quiet, Edward would blurt out whatever it was, eventually.

"Uh… I mean … I was wondering…" Ed scowled at his nearly empty plate and chewed his lip. "W-why'd ya do it?"

"Do what?" He knew, of course he knew, but he also knew Edward had to say it for it to become real in his own mind.

"_This._" Ed waved his hand ineffectively, struggling to find the words. "Al's contract, getting me that lab job, staying here … I don't get why you'd do that."

Roy put down his coffee and regarded Ed thoughtfully. "Because, between the two of you, you and Al were going to tear yourselves apart trying to be what the other one wanted. And for once," he added softly, "it was something I could do for you both without wondering what harm I'd caused."

"But-" Ed interrupted, a furious denial in his eyes.

Holding up a hand to stave off Edward's protest, Roy shook his head. "No, Edward. I know you don't want to hear it, but it's the truth. You've seen so much, Ed, and so has Al. But when you both came back to Central, it was painfully clear he needed to _experience_ those things, completely, with all of his senses, not just see and hear. And he could do that now, without all the focus being on fixing what went wrong. You gave him that."

"I know that!" Ed burst out. "That's why I shoulda gone with him! We should be doing all that _together_. Him and me. Not him off 'consulting' for Major Armstrong while I sit around doing nothing."

Roy nodded knowingly. "And I have no doubt that one day you shall," he assured him. "But Ed, it was just as obvious that you needed a break from all that. You looked like lead, even with the weight of Al's condition gone."

Folding his hands on the table, Roy leaned in further, his expression earnest. "In all those years, your brother hadn't physically experience anything, but you, Ed, you'd experienced _too much_. It was there for anybody with half an ounce of sense to see. And you know as well as I do that Al's got a lot more than half an ounce." He smiled wryly. "And I hardly think the hours you put in at the base labs count as 'nothing'. You got that job entirely on your own merit, Edward. I barely had to mention your name and they were practically begging. Don't write off what you do there. It's worth more than you know."

Lost for a smart comeback, Ed stared broodingly at his fingers tracing patterns on the edge of his plate.

"It didn't matter which way it had gone, Ed," Roy said softly. "If you both stayed, or both went, one of you would be chaffing, and that would have made both of you miserable. This way, giving Al a civilian contract to assist the State Alchemists in the field allows him the freedom he needs without binding him to the military - not to mention, laying down a very useful precedent - and assigning him to Alex gives you the peace of mind _you_ need."

Ed snorted, a reluctant grin quirking at his mouth. Not even he was dumb enough to take on Alex Louis Armstrong in Sparkling Protector Mode. Still, there was one question not answered. Ed shifted uneasily in his chair. "S-so why'd you … um…"

"Offer you my spare room?" Roy asked helpfully. "Simple. I could hardly send your brother out into the field and expect him to do and be his best when I knew full well he'd continually fret worrying over you."

Edward blinked. "And that's it?" he shot back incredulously.

Grinning, Roy replied smoothly, "Not at all. You needed the time and space to find your feet. I had the space, and I'm willing to give you all the time you need. And when you're ready, I'm sure Al will be over the moon to show you all the places he's seen." Unthinkingly, Roy picked up his mug and took a sip. It hit the table with a thump and a grimace. Ugh, cold coffee.

"W-what if I'm never ready to get back out there?" Ed asked softly, toying with his own mug.

"Then you'll do other things together. It's not the end of the world. You might even do something disgustingly normal like get married and have families, and head down to Dublith every year to terrorise the population with another generation of Elrics. It's still an adventure."

Unfortunately for Ed, he'd chosen that moment to risk the remainder of his own coffee, and suddenly found himself choking. "Me? Married?! _Kids?!_" he spluttered. "You sure you didn't put something funny in your mug this morning, Mustang?"

Roy shrugged. "You never know. You're still young, Edward. There's plenty of time."

Scraping his chair back, Ed gathered up his empty dishes and gave Roy a very meaningful look. "Oh, I'm pretty sure about this one. Trust me." Dishes were dumped in the sink, and then Edward headed upstairs, Roy presumed to finish getting ready for work. He could clearly hear Ed muttering, "Kids? Ha! Not in this lifetime."

"You know, your 'date' might have something to say about that!" Roy called out to his departing back with a grin.

"Quit fishing, Mustang!" Ed's yell echoed from upstairs.

At least this time, Roy could hear a smile in his voice.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Current mood:**

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embarrassed  
  
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**Entry tags:**

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[[fic]](http://quillaninc.livejournal.com/tag/%5Bfic%5D), [fma](http://quillaninc.livejournal.com/tag/fma), [fma:perils](http://quillaninc.livejournal.com/tag/fma:perils)  
  
  
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**[fic] FMA The Perils of Dating pt 2**   
_

Finally, _finally_ posting part 2 of [](http://users.livejournal.com/zakai_/profile)[**zakai_**](http://users.livejournal.com/zakai_/)'s much belated birthday fic. Please forgive the delay, laptop deaths makes Quill a sad, non-productive feather :-( ~~And other distractions aid and abet procrastination ^^;;~~ Hope you enjoy!

  
_Title:_ The Perils of Dating – part 2/?  
_Author:_ Quill  
_Fandom:_ Fullmetal Alchemist  
_Pairing:_ eventual Roy/Ed  
_Rating:_ PG

_Beta'd by the marvelous [](http://randi2204.livejournal.com/profile)[**randi2204**](http://randi2204.livejournal.com/)_

_Series deviation from somewhere post Ep 25. Movie-verse does not exist.  
__Spoilers:_ some canon events have been altered slightly to make this 'verse possible. Otherwise, no specific spoilers.

_Disclaimer:_ I own only these little words here - and now several dozen rapidly multiplying plot bunnies *sweatdrop*

  
_[Previously](http://quillaninc.livejournal.com/62107.html): Roy has a bad date, Ed claims he does date, and Roy gives him hell over said date._

_In this chapter: Roy and Al discover a few unexpected things about Ed, Ed discovers a few things he really would rather not know about relationships, and then discovers a few things about his own past, too._

* * *

  


  
Over the course of the next couple of weeks, Roy barely gave the subject of Ed's hypothetical girlfriend much thought, other than toss the occasional teasing remark in Ed's direction. The disgruntled flush that resulted was always amusing.

Consequently, it was somewhat unexpected to hear the scrape-click-clunk of the front door being opened shortly after dawn one Saturday, and someone trying to creep in quietly. Had Roy not decided that a quick breakfast was quite in order after his own early-morning return, he wouldn't have even noticed.

Frozen by the island bench, uncracked egg in one hand, frying pan in the other, Roy found himself staring rather foolishly as Ed carefully picked his way past the kitchen door, paused as the presence of light there registered, and then guiltily turned around.

"… Uh…" Surprised, blinking eyes met dark, bemused ones. Ed licked his lips slowly, clearly lost for words, and ended up just biting his lip instead of adding anything else.

"Pleasant evening?" Roy ventured, carefully concealing his amusement, and Ed turned bright red.

The grin that toyed at the edge of Ed's smile was anything but bashful. "Uh … yeah, you could say that," he replied, and Roy was pleased to see the gleam in Edward's eyes as his grin widened just that little bit more. There were some occasions when he really didn't mind being wrong.

Taking pity on him, Roy gestured with the egg in his hand. "Breakfast?"

Ed gave him a half grin and shrugged a shoulder. "Nah, thanks all the same. There's a bed upstairs with my name on it."

Then all of a sudden, it occurred to him what that implied about his 'pleasant evening', and he ducked his head to hide his burning cheeks. "I'll, uh … catchya later," he tossed out with an abortive half wave, bolting before his runaway mouth got him into more trouble and taking the stairs, Roy noted, with more care than usual.

The Colonel's rich chuckle followed him all the way.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Al, but your brother's out." Roy tried to tuck the phone receiver between his ear and shoulder, with little success. He fumbled with it awkwardly, accidentally dropping the mail he'd been sorting when it'd rung.

If Al noticed anything, he was too polite to mention it. "Out?" he asked, puzzled. Not unreasonably so, Roy thought, since Edward had rarely been anywhere other than home on a weekend until not so long ago. "Out where?"

Roy grinned to himself; he was going to enjoy dropping this little bombshell. "I do believe on a date."

He could picture the bemused frown creasing up that spot between Al's eyebrows. In the distance, carnival music punctuated by delighted squeals and shrieks couldn't quite drown out the nearby slapping wash of water against a pier, and Roy's mind automatically began calculating how many locations fit that scenario within travelling distance of Al's last known stop. It'd practically become tradition to play 'find the Elric' over the years, and it drove Al just as batty as it had his brother. And was just as much fun.

He'd come up with at least three options in the brief space before Al stuttered, "I'm sorry, sir. For a second there, I thought you said Ed was on a date."

Roy was certain his broad grin came through with his voice. "That's because he is."

There was another long pause, enough for Roy to finish with the mail, sifting the last few envelopes into Ed's pile then repositioning the phone a little better. "Oh," Al said, sounding dazed. "Um … So … uh … w-what's she like? Is she pretty?"

Leaning comfortably against the hall table, Roy smiled to himself at Al's assumption that of course Roy would be able to tell him. "I honestly don't know. I've yet to have the pleasure."

Al's chuckle held a surprisingly wicked tone. "Don't let my brother hear you put it like that, or you mightn't be lucky enough to have the pleasure with anyone else, either."

"Al!" It wasn't often that anyone caught Roy unawares by a decidedly bawdy remark like that. He simply _had_ to stop underestimating anyone even remotely associated with the name Elric.

Teasing laughter eventually subsided. "Seriously, though." Al redirected the conversation easily, fondness in his voice. "Are you sure he's out on a date? You know my brother, he's probably buried nose deep in some obscure text at the library."

Roy chuckled. "I'd say the love bites under his collar and the dawn returns are a pretty good indicator," he replied, smugly ignoring Al's pained mutter about that being more than he needed to know . "Mind you, he did get rather annoyed when I suggested she might be a librarian, so you may very well be right."

A theatrical sigh met his ear. "Now, Roy," and honestly, Al was trying to sound stern, but using his quasi-CO's first name didn't help. "You really have to stop teasing my brother when I'm not around."

"Why?" Roy grinned back. "Missing all the fun?"

"Exactly!" Al laughed.

They chatted for a little while longer, nothing important, just 'touching base' as Al liked to put it. The sounds in the background were remarkably clear, and by the time Al was ready to ring off Roy was sure he had it pinned. He couldn't resist getting in a little payback. "Oh, by the way, Al … how does Lacreaux compare with Aquroya these days?"

Al's muffled curse almost drowned out Roy's laugh as he hung up.

* * *

It had become nothing new to arrive home to a house lit only by moonlight and streetlamps during recent weeks.

Perhaps it said something about how flawlessly Edward had melded into his life, that Roy let out a small sigh tinged with an odd sense of abandonment as the closing door left the hallway in darkness. It felt like eons ago that coming home to this was just an ordinary part of life, and Roy wasn't sure what to make of it.

All those years stood him in good stead though, he mused as he shucked his coat from his shoulders and prised off his boots, all in the pallid light filtering through the panels of glass framing the door. Hitting the light switch seemed superfluous for such a short distance to the stairway, and the darkness suited his melancholy mood.

Maybe he should have accepted Cynthia's offer to stay. She was always good fun, didn't expect too much, and only asked that he give her the same liberty. An ideal casual companion, if a poor choice for something more lasting.

It suddenly struck Roy to wonder exactly how much of his dissatisfaction with the same old, same old of his dating life had to do with looking for that something more and not finding it … and exactly how much of that was influenced by having a constant presence around?

Which naturally brought him back to Ed. Ed in his house, Ed in his life, Ed just there, bluntly letting him know when he fucked up on the little things, utterly without judgement on how badly he could screw up on the big things. Ed, being surprisingly easy to live with, and that was possibly the biggest wonder of it all.

The house still felt completely empty as he negotiated he way past the hall table. But shadows shifted in the lounge room, movement cutting through the soft blue light from the window, and Roy suddenly cursed himself for his complacency.

The shadows moved again, and the soft clink of bottle against glass cut through the silence, the light giving a pale glow to the figure sitting in the window seat.

The bottle slid silently through a loose grasp to land more or less upright on the floor. It was the brandy, Roy realised. The cheap one, the one that always raised memories of coaxing soul-deep grief from a heartsick Fullmetal, glass by sorry glass, until the whole story lay bare before them.

His inability to stop Archer at Lior had haunted Edward for months, knowing the man's stupidity had cost others their lives as well as Archer's own. He couldn't bear to hear that his own actions had saved many, the cost had been greater than Ed could carry alone.

And Al. Al, the Stone, the empty city hidden deep beneath Central, his father – oh god, seeing his own father give himself to that ... that … thing, that greedy, ravenous darkness which tore limbs and lives apart, so that Tricia's sons wouldn't have to, selfless and yet selfish all the same. It had triggered endless nightmares, the memories tying Ed's ability to restore Al to such a horrible event … it had been too much. Much too much. After hearing all this, Roy knew he'd done the right thing giving Ed space to hide away for a time.

No, Ed and cheap brandy did not bode well together.

Years of practice made it easy to circumnavigate the couch, finding his way to lean on the corner opposite where Ed sat on the window seat, right leg hooked up, automail arm dangling listlessly, his glass loosely held by the rim.

Roy watched him stare out the window for a few moments, giving him space. "Want to tell me what this is all about?" he finally asked softly.

Ed half shrugged and took a sip from his brandy. "Nothin'." He took another sip, grimacing slightly at the raw burn as it went down. "Nothin' but a stupid, naive fool, not wanted, not worth anythin', just sittin' in the dark like he's been all along."

Ah. Roy wasn't surprised, and yet was amazed that he found his own cynicism rather sad. Being around Ed tended to foster the most appalling optimism. Still, he kept his peace for a time, allowing Ed's pride the sanctity of the dimly lit room.

The silence could comfortably linger for only so long, though. "Edward, I…"

"Don't," Ed interrupted sharply with a hard look, then knocked back a large gulp of the brandy. "Don' wanna hear it, don' wanna talk about it, don' wanna … Just don', okay? My own stupid fault for thinking something's gonna turn out okay. So just leave it." The bottle chinked against the glass again as Ed poured himself another measure.

It had been challenging enough, knowing Ed would probably find out the hard way what most teens already knew about romance. It was even more difficult to see for himself. "Edward…"

"Look, I was just stupid, okay?" Ed cut in again. "I thought … I thought it was somethin' more than what it was, that's all. An' I thought …" He huffed a bitter smile. "Fuck, I don't even know what I thought. But it'd been _good_, y'know? And I never figured that I'd be kicked out just like that, with one stupid fight. I mean, we fight all the damn time," he gestured between Roy and himself with an unsteady glass, "but that doesn't mean th-there's no respect, right?"

His slight stutter would have caught Roy off guard if he hadn't been watching Ed so closely. "Of course not," he smiled, using the moment to work out how to give the benefit of his experience without offending Ed. "You know, Ed, a fight doesn't always mean a relationship's over. I know you mightn't believe it now, but women will say a lot of things they don'-"

Ed cut him off with a sharp, twisted bark of laughter. "Look," he bit out. "I know you think you're helping, an' I appreciate it. I do. Really." Ed's unexpected, frighteningly sober gaze was discomforting. "But seriously, you don't have a frickin' clue, okay?

Okay. Well. Roy swallowed a self depreciating smile and gave Ed a brief nod. He could use a drink himself, he thought. "At least let me get the decent brandy," he offered, unfolding himself from his slouch against the window frame and heading for the sideboard.

Ed snorted. "Fuck, no! That nutcase isn't worth wasting the good stuff on." He gave Roy a lopsided sort of half smile and saluted Roy with his glass. Roy smiled back. Good. At least that meant that Ed was coming out of the other side of his melancholy funk.

That didn't mean Roy had to let him get away with bad manners, however. "You do realise, Edward," he chided gently as he splashed a good sized dram of the expensive brandy into his glass, "that regardless of circumstances, it's not considered particularly polite to use the term 'nutcase' to refer to a lady."

Edward's dry chuckle still held a note of resentment. "Oh I can promise you this much, Mustang. This one ain't no lady."

Pausing to cast a chastening glance in Ed's direction, Roy took a sip from his glass and murmured, "I see," before strolling over to resume his lounge against the window frame. The sound of the occasional car swishing past outside was the only thing to interrupt the stillness. Ed seemed to need the silence for the time being, and Roy felt it best to let him.

Finally, Ed set his glass on the window sill and leaned his forehead against the window. "I just feel kinda dumb, y'know?"

Roy gave a knowing smile. "We've all been there, Ed. You wouldn't be the first, and you certainly won't be the last." When Ed looked at him with extreme scepticism, Roy's smile turned wry. "You don't believe me?"

"Anyone else, sure. But you?" Ed snorted.

Roy hid his smile and gathered up their glasses in one hand. Then, slinging a companionable arm around Ed's shoulders, Roy surreptitiously steered the younger alchemist's unsteady steps towards the stairs, dropping the glasses on the sideboard on the way past. The empty brandy bottle could wait until morning. "Let me tell you about the wonderful, the marvellous, the most _exquisite_ Carmen…"

* * *

Sleep wasn't coming as easily as it should, which was a miracle really given how much he'd drunk … Erm, did he have that right, miracle? Or an anomaly? A miraculous anomaly, maybe?

Okay, he had definitely drunk too much. The fact he could even think the word anomaly without a struggle surprised the hell out of him. Ed would hate to try and say it right now.

He was still feeling vaguely foolish over the whole thing, but he had to admit talking to Roy had helped some. Not so much the talking, really, as the complete and utter lack of condemnation. It was something he'd never expected; this was exactly the type of thing the Roy of the past would have taken great pleasure in humiliating him with. He could still hear his then Commanding Officer's merciless mocking, that time he visited in hospital while Ed was all battered and bruised. It still rankled, too.

So, the question keeping him awake at the moment was, since when had Roy started being _kind_ to Ed?

It wasn't as if he wanted to be awake, trying to figure out which was the real Roy Mustang. Why the change? Why the concern? It wasn't like he'd ever been nice to Ed before.

Except that, now he thought about it, that wasn't exactly true, either. Interspersed with the memory of the Colonel's endless needling were the solemn, almost whispered occasions when Roy tried to get him to take a break, to stop in Central or East City or spend a week or two in Risembool. Things spoken in a tone so subdued, it was easy to forget they'd even been said at all.

_"And for once, this was something I could do for you both without wondering what harm I'd caused."_

Holy shit! Ed sat up suddenly in bed, his eyes wide with surprise. Mustang had actually _said_ that not that long ago, hadn't he? Ed just hadn't bothered to think it over much, what with being distracted by other, more enticing things. _What harm he'd caused?_ What the hell did that even _mean_?

Images began tumbling over one another as Ed riffled through his memories from this new, unexpected perspective. Risembool, that horrendous, shameful night. The train ride to Central. Living with Tucker, cramming for the exams, Nina, the whole mess that came after.

And Roy, pushing, pushing, always damn well pushing.

Hang on. Tucker. Roy had placed them with Tucker. Tucker, _who was under Basque Gran at the time!_ Why had Ed never seen that?

It didn't make sense. Roy had been under Hakuro's direction, while Tucker was under Gran's. If he was honest with himself, Ed was well aware he wouldn't have been much use as a spy; his focus had been on becoming a State Alchemist at the time, and nothing else, and Ed knew full well Roy never even _breathed_ without a distinct reason.

Okay, think like Roy. What could he get out of the Elric brothers living with Shou Tucker and his daughter? The more Ed thought about it, even through the slight alcohol fuzz that still hung around him, the more he realised Roy gained nothing, personally.

So the question became, why do it? Wouldn't it have served Mustang better to put the boys with someone who could keep an eye on them for him? Ed had no doubt Hughes would have done it in a heartbeat; he was that kind of guy.

_"For once, this was something I could do for you both without wondering what harm I'd caused."_

Roy'd not long said he was helping Ed because it was something he could do. Did that mean...?

Okay, so, what if Mustang's motivation had been to help Ed and Al? Did that hold up to scrutiny? Ed was starting to get a headache, but he was determined to puzzle this out one way or another, if only to get some goddamned _sleep_!

When he looked at stuff from that direction, though ... Tucker, the Sewing Life Alchemist. Only alchemist to create a chimera capable of speech. Mustang hadn't known any more than Ed at the time, how he'd done it. And his library. _That_ had been exceptionally impressive, chocked full of all sorts of things Ed had realised later were mostly only in private collections or locked up in the Central Library.

And, okay, if Ed was being generous, he _might_ attribute the extra bonus of being placed in a family home to some level of compassion. After all, he supposed Mustang wasn't to know the man was a complete nutter.

Hell, taken from this point of view, even his first mission, to catalogue Tucker's research, could be seen as intended to _help_ instead of the Colonel being an insensitive bastard. Damn. Now he thought about _that_, Ed was kicking himself for all the data he missed getting his hands on.

Still didn't make up for the whole hospital thing. Hearing Roy taunt him, describing Ed as being a pathetic cry baby that night in Risembool, still made his blood boil. He'd been a goddamned child! He'd still like to see _Mustang_ handle having his limbs torn off with any more aplomb. Even now, it made his teeth grind.

And suddenly it hit him.

He'd been ready to give up, then. Broken, battered, finally realising that seeking the Philosopher's Stone might exact a cost too high even for him, Ed could barely drag up enough emotion to even think about a future. Ten seconds after Roy had left, Ed had been straining like a rabid dog against a collar, ready to get out there and prove the bastard wrong.

Pushing. Always damn well pushing.

When the _hell_ had Roy worked out Ed would have enough friends; what he'd needed was something unbreakable to batter his anger against, and offered himself up for the job?

Hell, now he thought about it that way, a lot of stuff Roy had done could be construed as 'kind' - if in a rather bizarre fashion.

Without even realising it, Ed found himself creeping across the hall, his hand coming to rest on Roy's door. It was dumb - actually, it was outright stupid - but some drunken little voice in his head just had to know if Mustang would look any different to him, with this new revelation.

The door creaked open, and after a few moments, the rumpled huddle in the bed stirred.

"Fu'met'l?"

Ed smiled sheepishly and waved off Mustang's confusion. "Nah, s'okay. Nothin's wrong. Just thought I heard something." Flashing another bashful smile, he whispered, "Night," and waited for Roy to settle again before closing the door behind him.

Crazy old coot, Ed thought fondly as he slid back into bed. He had the strangest way of showing he cared, even if Ed really didn't mind so much. Now he knew what to look for, it was really kind of ... well, nice.

He quickly fell asleep. His last thought was that maybe his brief romance hadn't meant all that much, after all, if he could shrug it off so easily.

* * *

_[TBC]_

__Crossposting to various fma comms sometime tomorrow ^^


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